Who looks like thyaat?
by Lenny-Lemon
Summary: Rose Tyler lives a semi-good life in a semi-good dimension, but one day she meets Donna Noble. Sparks fly. However, their families do not get along. The Doctor clone and Wilf have the argument of a lifetime. Can these ex-companions find peace in their love? Based on 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'.


Rose Tyler was sitting at her semi-good breakfast table in her semi-good kitchen wearing semi-good dungarees eating a semi-good breakfast (not at all cheerily, unlike Bella Swan in one of Alex Day's favourite bits of Twilight), when 'John Smith', who Rose unaffectionately called the 'Doctor clone', walked in. Rose did the most dramatic eye-roll in the history of dramatic eye-rolls.

"Whoa," he said, raising his hands defensively, "No need to roll your eyes so dramatically at me, woman!"

"Shut the Gallifrey up," Rose snapped. And he did.

Rose did the most dramatic sigh in the history of dramatic sighs, flipped the table like Alan Rickman in the famous gif that nobody really knows the source of, and stormed out of the room like a buffalo also storming out of a room.

In the corridor she bumped into her 'dad', who squished her cheeks like there was no tomorrow. Rose did the most dramatic glare in the history of dramatic glares.

"So, I was thinking," said the Pete Tyler that hadn't been hit by a repetitive car, "You and that dude with the weird hair – I mean, come on, who looks like thyaat? – should tie the good old knot!"

"That ain't gonna happen, fam," said Rose defiantly. "I is like, in love with the Doctor, isn't it!"

"Well he's in a parallel universe so that isn't going to happen, is it?" Pete replied, laughing merrily like a drunken antelope.

Rose did the most dramatic sob in the history of dramatic sobs.

"Okay, here's the deal: you can marry the dude that I say's good or I will feed you to some alien thing, 'kay?"

"OH MAH GAWD, THAT IS LIKE, TAKIN' THE BISCUIT!" Rose said, and burst into the saltiest tears imaginable.

Meanwhile, the Doctor was chilling in the TARDIS with a ginger named Amy and a Roman named Rory, who were having the most dramatic argument in the history of dramatic arguments. Rory wanted a go with the baby called Melody, later to be known as River Song, which amused the Doctor greatly, as this was his future wife, and he was going to have many 'goes' with her in the future, if you catch my drift (an eyebrow wiggle is here appropriate). Amy, being Scottish and all, got annoyed pretty quickly, so off she went, baby and all, and Rory punched the Doctor in annoyance.

As soon as she had gone, Rory burst into tears almost as salty as Rose's (but not quite). "That's it! I've ruined my marriage!" he said, flapping his arms like a banker in Hell.

"Never fear!" the Doctor said, with a hand movement akin to a fish flapping like Curley's wife. "Here I have a flower called love-in-idleness, from the planet known as Fairyland!" He produced the said flower called love-in-idleness from the planet known as Fairyland from his pocket. "One drop of this on Amy's eyelids, and she'll fall right back in love with you!" But the Doctor here considered that he was sick of snogging in the TARDIS, and that he didn't really ship the Ponds any more now that his wife had been born, so he added "Or better still, we could go to like, some crazy-ass planet with some crazy-ass aliens, and give it to her there so she'd fall in love with, like, a Sontaran or something! That would be HILARIOUS! Plus, she'd have to let you have a go with that little babycakes then!"

"OMG THAT'S A SICK IDEA BRO," said Rory, and gave the Doctor a high-five and a kiss on each cheek while whispering "Ciao Bella" under his breath (is he gay or European?).

So he took the flower and went on his jolly way.

However, as he went he accidentally squeezed a bit of nectar onto the TARDIS console, and time and space and dimensions and all of that shebang went as wibbly-wobbly as wibbly-wobbly can be, and suddenly friends of the Doctor from near and far found themselves getting sucked into the vortex of life itself and slammed onto the floor of various TARDIS rooms like steaks slapped onto a plate. Among these friends were the aforementioned Rose Tyler and John Smith, along with a hearty young woman named Donna Noble, and her grandfather Wilfred (AKA Wilf) Mott, who was as loveable as a kitten who was also loveable, which is, in fact, all kittens. As the TARDIS is HUUUGE, however, none of them realised where they were or who else was on board at this particular moment in time (or their time, at least, because time is different on a TARDIS, don't you know).

Obviously, the Doctor's crazy-ass planet idea was now foiled, so that was the end of that. We shall now follow the tale of the semi-good Rose and the doubly-good Donna, who, coincidence of coincidences, actually both managed to end up in the swimming pool. They swam over to each other like less adorable versions of the infamous water rat, and bubbled gloriously in greeting.

"I'm Rose Tyler," said Rose Tyler (obviously).

"I'm Donna Noble," said – yep, you guessed it – Donna Noble.

"Donna, you got a bug on your shoulder!" Rose said, treading water to point at Donna's shoulder with the sass of a sass monger.

Donna was so highly offended by such an audacious accusation that she propelled away from Rose through the water like a drugged porpoise, screeching "No I ain't!" as she went.

However, as we know, the TARDIS is as living as living can be, and it was at this moment that the nectar of the love-in-idleness reached the swimming pool room and seeped into the water, and, as this was, in fact, touching the eyelids of both Rose Tyler and Donna Noble, they fell instantly in love with each other, and Donna swooshed back through the pool to give Rose the most dramatic smooch in the history of dramatic smooches.

Just as this dramatic smooch commenced, Wilf Mott and John Smith burst into my room and recoiled in surprise.

"That's my granddaughter!" Wilf exclaimed, in the tone of a man suddenly realising his granddaughter, who had married a couple of men, might in fact be gay (and European [though he already knew that bit]). However, he then recalled that one of his grandsons-in-law had, in fact, turned out to be a giant female spiderish thing, so he wasn't actually that surprised any more, and nodded in the style of a man no longer that surprised any more.

"Like THAT'S bad!" retorted John, who had missed the unsurprised nod. "That's my, like, almost girlfriend or something!"

Wilf was quite confused, as this man looked very much like the Doctor, but he knew he wasn't because his Doctor senses weren't tingling – well, they were a bit, but not that much. In any case, he wasn't having any of that, no siree!

"Now listen to me, sonny!" he said, jabbing a finger at the Doctorish man's chest. "If you loved your almost girlfriend, you'd let her kiss however many women she liked! Possessiveness is Poop!" He said this last part as if it was an inspirational quote, but in actuality he'd made it up on the spot, though one may indeed be inspired by his words of wisdom. "Besides, my granddaughter's the best thing since sliced bread!"

John was very angered about this situation, so he leaped through the air like a stupendous flying squirrel, and knocked Wilf headlong into the swimming pool. Donna and Rose looked up at this, and, at the sight of John Smith, Donna's memories suddenly came flooding back like water through a rubbish dam built by blind beavers, and, overwhelmed, she collapsed into Rose's arms.

At this moment, the Doctor burst into the room, with a triumphant cry of "FINALLY! I've been looking for this room for bloomin' ages!" However, he then realised who was in the room, and had a curious moment, because he was rather fond of old Rose, which made him feel rather guilty as he wondered if this counted as cheating on River even though she was, at this time, only a baby, though all of time and space DOES exist at once, and on top of all of this, he'd just realised that Donna was practically dead.

"WHAT'S DONNA DOING IN THE TAR…T?" he asked, frantically looking between the pool-goers for an answer before realising that he might as well have said 'TARDIS', as she'd blatantly already got her memories back anyway. Duh.

Thankfully, it mattered not, as at this moment Rose realised the problem and gave Donna another juicy kiss, and the power of love (or rather, the magic of love-in-idleness) raised her from the almost-dead and made her good as new!

It was then that the ladies realised that their respective males were no longer fighting – in fact, they were having the most dramatic hug in the history of dramatic hugs! It seemed that the love-in-idleness water had got in their eyes, too, and thus a new love was born! Let's hope that if they ever got married, they'd use John's surname, because Wilf Smith sounds a bit like Will Smith which is funny. Ha ha ha! Haaa.

As the Doctor surveyed the unfolding homosexuality with the confusion of a new member of Tumblr, the Ponds burst into the room, slipped on the tiles and fell into the pool. Melody flew out of Amy's arms just like any baby flying out of a woman's arms would, and was caught by her future husband. Arising from the water, Amy and Rory's love for one another was instantly rekindled, and they had the most dramatic embrace in the history of dramatic embraces. The Doctor made an odd "Ahaa!" laugh that conveyed a mixture of fear and amusement, much as a woman might make in response to a reflection in the shape of a pomegranate suddenly peeling.

And so it was that Rose found a fully-good love at last, Donna remembered her best friend, John was finally accepted, Wilf got over the death of his wife, the Ponds rediscovered their OTP-encouraging mutual adoration and the Doctor found his swimming pool and suffered great confusion: a merry day for all!

The Most Dramatic End in the History of Dramatic Ends


End file.
